Emperor Chops (君悅排骨) - Taipei

There's Nowhere like Home
The Taiwanese diaspora try in vein to replicate the pork chops from home.  Those I've sampled in NY are but the distant cousins of the Taipei originals.  I don't blame them for trying, something this good should be shared.  The 君悅排骨 version were juicy planks of pork kept warm in a crispy, deep-fried coat.  They'd no doubt been dunked in a soy sauce, white whine and garlic bath and then dusted with corn flour, sugar and five spice, the most important of the five being the szechuan black pepper. This was a quiet, blind meal, each of us happily chewing with our eyes closed.

Coffee Alley - Taipei

Interesting Coffee Choices
On my first visit to Taipei I took note of the coffee fanaticism. It looked to have recently blasted off and dropped the boosters.  Just thirteen months later it's arrived at the outer rings of Jupiter, at least at Coffee Alley. Ordering a "tiramisu latte" seemed like a good idea.  My logic was something like this: I like tiramisu and I like latte.  She was a skin deep beauty, so pretty for her picture, but lacked depth and charm.  The powdery topping lodged in my lungs like asbestos and I nearly coughed up the bland espresso.

Street Noodles - Taipei

Back to the Streets for Eats
Bouncing around the globe, trailing crumbs in my wake, I land in Taipei with the cutesie on my arm.  I feel confident, worldly, hungry.  We take down a batch of street noodles like two pros, she with the order, me with the mouth.  Well, ok, she with her big mouth too!

Bian Dang - Manhattan

Trading Abe for Chops
Some crazy people were slinging chops from a van for only five bucks today.  I saw em driving down Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn on Saturday and jotted the name down - Bian Dang.  Pure luck - they parked a block from the job today so I donned the snorkel parka, waited in line and traded over a fiver.  In return, they gave me a filling two chop lunch that included rice, pork sauce and greens.     

Tong Hua Jie Night Market - Taipei

Closing it Out in Style
Mom, I apologize in advance for the double negative because in Taipei you cannot not go to a night market.  We opted for the less touristy Tong Hua Jie rather than Shihlin.  Special thanks to Nicholas of My Inner Fatty for giving me a heads up on this - a pork sausage sitting in a small rice canoe.  How they fashioned a bun from rice, I can't figure out, I just know the combo works. 

Sit-Fun Shih Tang - Taipei

This is the Healthier Side of the Street?
I fancy myself the pork fat king - it's only a matter of time before I'm fitted with my coffin-shaped crown.  However, even I sat blinking, dumbfounded at the inch-thick layer of fat on the pork at Sit-Fun.  When later research suggested they offer "lighter versions of Taiwanese delicacies" I broke out in laughter.  Surely they must be joking.  The first bite was delicious but I soon felt like I was eating all icing and no cake.  The King admits to leaving a lot of the fat in the bottom of the bowl.

Maroco - Taipei

Thick Toast Wake-Up Call
Before I arrived in Taipei, Dodo had already scouted a breakfast spot near our hotel.  She described it as a "thick toast spot" and I knew exactly what she meant.  Maroco makes their own bread, slices it thicker than your head, toasts it and loads it with butter.  They do much more - feast your eyes on the tarts.  Though our Taipei trip wasn't a long one and repeating visits to a single place makes little sense, we came to Maroco many times - because of the toast.

Shin Liu Farm - Hualien, Taiwan

Healthiest Meal in the History of the Puff List?
I rarely do the things I should. Back in my youth I used to exercise, smile, make new friends and eat vegetables.  I've grown up to be an old, lazy, scowl-faced carnivore.  I like to think of myself as a work in regress.  That's not to say I don't enjoy a plate or two of veggies from time to time, I just don't go searching for them.  Our Taiwan guide, a colleague of Dodo's, was something of a health nut.  She drove us south of Hualien, into the east rift valley to Shin Liu Farm for some greenery, both the viewing and eating kind.

Yi Wan Xiao - Hualien, Taiwan

Perfect Post-National Park Meal
Hualien is a city on the Eastern coast of Taiwan near the spectacular Taroko National Park.  We'd spent the day at Taroko, gawking at seascape, rivers and mountains through sun, clouds and cold drizzle.  By dinner time we were famished and looking for restoration.  Luckily our B&B owner gave us an insider's inside scoop and sent us to Yi Wan Xiao for noodles.  The name could be translated as "A Small Bowl" and indeed that's all it took for me to be totally satisfied and ready for a night of unconsciousness.

Golden Cake Vendor - Taipei

Pay Dirt, PB-Style!!
After just one bite I fantasized about hiring her to setup her stall outside my apartment.  I dreamt of opening my front door and yelling "two more peanut butter, please."  Moments later I'd bite into this freshly cooked cake with a vein of molten chunky peanut butter.

Yong He Soy Milk King - Taipei

Is it Called Breakfast at 11pm?
I don't know, but I had an immediate affinity for Yong He - they serve freshly made breafkast food deep into the night.  It didn't hurt that I was fighting jetlag and losing - breakfast at night was making perfect sense.  What you see below is an amazing concoction - it's a thin egg and scallion crepe wrapped around two deep-fried dough sticks.  If I'm not mistaken (and I easily could be) that would be a dan bing wrapped around two you tiao.  Someone from Taiwan, help me out with my probably poor interpretation, please.

Baohaus - Manhattan

And the Old Shall Be Made New Again
Back in '92 I was working for a mis-Fortune 500 in a slim glass skyscraper in midtown.  I spent a lot of time at the firm's library trying to convince the manager that I was cooler than all the nerdburgers working there.  She usually waved me off but one day Miss Lopez said "ok, you wanna take me out - meet me at the Mexican spot on the corner of Stanton and Ludlow."  The pre-gentrification lower east side (LES) was another world entirely in those days (click here)  but when you're young and horny a pretty girl can make you walk through a dicey hood. Fast forward a couple decades and I'm sitting a block away at Baohaus munching on Taiwanese bao.  The LES has changed a lot but not enough to stanch the flow of memories.

Zen Zoo - Paris

Black Pearls - Also Known as Bubbles
I've tried bubble tea a few times in NY and I usually just kinda like it. It never really knocks me off my feet. However, I keep trying, most recently yesterday at Zen Zoo. I really went all out, ordering a hot almond-flavored version. I didn't even know you could get hot bubble tea, I'd only tried cold ones. Thank goodness you can, it's been really cold lately. This is the "after" shot.

Excellent Pork Chop House - Manhattan

Name Changes Being Proposed...
I propose two name changes. First, I'm thinking of renaming my blog "Lunch Dummy" - lately I've simply been mimicking the visits made by the Lunch blog. Next, I propose that this place (discovered on the Lunch blog of course) change its name from "Excellent Pork Chop House" to "Fabulous Wonton Spot." I of course had the namesake pork chops - they were definitely not excellent. Passable at best. Couldn't figure out how they spice em - not a big fan of the spice-ology.